Exacerbation of heart failure

If ever there’s to save, I’d like to save myself.

Just because, the pain is consuming… almost everyday of the week arguing about random things, is too much to handle. I’ve always believed love is not only about butterflies, it is about dream, control, motivation, faith, support and trust. I guess I’m not a good cook/baker, I didn’t able to manage all the ingredients I wish perfect love could have.

Or maybe I became too weak, I needed someone to hold to… unfortunately, what I felt was holding to someone who does not even bother to bring me up to save me. I became too dependent, I lost myself in something  i thought I might have forever, which is why I needed myself to be alone and free… to stand with my own feet.

To be loved by You

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I have forgotten You, yet i remember You on the times I need You

You’ve sheltered me, then I left You with the things You’ve given me

I said “draw me close to You”, but I ran away from You

I hear You talk to me, but I pretended I did not hear those words you said

Now I am crying unto You, You’ve comforted me again… unconditionally.

10 THINGS I WANT TO DO BEFORE SETTLING DOWN.

 

  1. Travel with my best friend (no boyfriend allowed)

I will never go on a vacation with my boyfriend when it is only the two of us. Just because, I believe some things are better done when people are married and that includes travelling as a husband and wife. I’d like to travel as much as possible with my best friends, while we’re free from any family responsibilities and just have fun.

I want to go to Philippines’ best provinces; South Korea (Seoul, Busan, Jeju); Tokyo, Japan; Hongkong; Australia; Paris, France; Rome and Italy. Surely I need lots of savings to travel!

  1. Finish Nursing School

No matter how hard it is, I want to finish this program not because it is a Nursing program but because I’d like to have a college diploma so bad! I was supposed to graduate in a year when our Visa going to Canada arrived. I still don’t know if that’s a good thing or not.

  1. Be a MYX VJ or radio disk jockey

It is no secret I love public speaking. I was trained and I am thankful for the huge experience I gained back home.

From then ‘til now, there’s always a calling to speak in front of people. Although it is thrice as nerve-wracking to speak in public now since those who will listen to me are native English speakers.

One day I want to go back home and just take an audition for fun on MYX or Monster Radio 93.1.

  1. Save bucks

Just because I don’t think it is fair to settle with someone without any savings.

  1. Help my parents

This, I want my future husband to do too. For me, some things are not as easy to do when there’s a responsibility as a married couple. Thus helping and giving back to parents will be ideal before settling down. Given that if ever I save money more than enough for us, I’d like to give my parents a business they want.

  1. Finish a Korean drama in a week

All I want is a stress free week with my fictional characters… no more, no less.

  1. Watch movie alone 

It is good to be alone and be brave enough to be alone. For me, it is a sign of being independent.

  1. Watch a KPOP concert

It is hard to watch a KPOP concert when I’m here in Canada while my idols are all over Asia having concerts. I want to see myself holding a banner and a glow stick while it is still legit for me to hold those.

Luckily, one of my most loved idol, Ed Sheeran, a Brit star (not Korean), will be coming here. Now I have one less thing to do before settling down.

  1. Make a scrapbook

I treasure memories. For some people, the past is just a past, but for me, I hold on to memories, learn from them and dream with them.

Right now, I have a scrapbook I update twice a year. It is so refreshing to just go back and appreciate the things that happened in the past – may it be good or bad.

  1. Love

I’d like to feel how it is like to love unconditionally… how it is like to meet the one.

NOW&THEN

RYAN

HE WHO I THOUGHT WAS A GOOD MAN, IS NOT WHAT HE IS USED TO BE

HE WHO I CRIED TO WHEN I WAS DOWN, IS THE ONE WHO ADDS UP TO MY BURDEN

HE WHO I LAUGHED WITH, IS THE ONE WHO EFFORTLESSLY PLEADS ME TO CRY ALMOST EVERYDAY IN A WEEK

IT IS STILL THE SAME PERSON BUT NOT THE MAN I LOVED BEFORE.

If this was a birthday card…

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A brief moment of silence for the slideshow =)

Today marks another year of your life! It is amazing to have spent this type of day with you for the past three years and another three years away from you. I guess that’s how our friendship is like now, we may be really far but we have made it through everything. I hope romantic relationships could be the same thing, but long distance between lovers is different between friends. Although I find myself sometimes thinking of our friendship as romantically one, not because I am confused (which I won’t disagree when it comes to kpop) but because of the things a man and woman can surpass that we have gone through.

As you know these past days we had a storm, kudos to you for reaching out when I was really not in my proper mind. Thank you for not turning your back on me, when I was ready to turn my back on you. Thinking about that now, I wouldn’t know how to spend my days in the Philippines when I get there soon, if our friendship would be over. Imagine coming back to UST without you (when in fact almost all of the days I spent there were all about you and me? Or going to divi without my divi buddy? What about the plans we made? It is like spending thousand dollars for a flight for nothing.

I must say, you’re the one who made this friendship worth everything; as I seldom get in touch when I am busy, you find time to chat or ask for decent Skype/Facetime conversations despite your hectic schedule. You’re one of the reasons why I want to go back in the Philippines.

So, so much for cheesy phrases… Happy Birthday Richness! I pray for more blessings to come unto you. Especially the guy, we’ve been waiting for! I love you and I miss you! ❤

This blog post was reposted due  to link problems. 

The Perfect Moment

Inside Letters

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“It’s not the right time,” “He’s not quite Mr.Right,” “The place is not suitable enough,” “It’s just not perfect”… People tend to engross with the idea of the “perfect moment,” labeling and establishing standards to satisfy their own fantasies. However, when could a moment be truly considered perfect? Does such moments truly exist? Some people may think otherwise,  but I believe it does.

Nothing in this world is impeccable, it’s all about seeing the beauty and joy in life’s greatest and simplest gifts. Life could be a series of days just passing by, an endless cycle of the same routines. We develop a delusion that only dramatic, extraordinary events could pull us out of its exhaustion. But isn’t life too short to have just  a few of those rare, occasional splendid times? I bet you’ve heard the saying “Don’t wait for the perfect moment. Take the moment and make it perfect.” Whether it be a special occasion…

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