Someone had liked me, but I’ve always liked another. He’s seriously the only person, I have loved. The only person, I’ve wished to the stars, to the 11:11, the only person that in my whole life, I have consumed more than half of my age just loving him. I’ve always said, I love him, UNCONDITIONALLY… No holds – barred. We’ve been friends since age 7 and at what point did I ever start feeling something for him… I’ll leave it as a secret.

I’ve seen him like & love girls, be in a relationship & failed. He has always been my first love, which no matter how many days, months, and years will pass, this feeling he gave me won’t be changed. What I always felt for him, he surely feel this to other. He also has his first love. His first love that no matter how many times, time not allowed them, after another or so, he’ll always find a way to be next to her.

Silly as it may seem. What I felt for him, he felt the same way to another. A never ending cycle! Now he’s on his 4th time trying to grab the chance of his luck. Seeing him grab his’, my eyes are tired, to give a piece of a crap tear for him. I’ve always been looking at him, but where the hell is the time for me to grab the luck of my own? I doubt, never.

I would like to regret everything. But I can’t. Loving him is the biggest mistake I committed. He opened my mind & heart to what love is. He taught be to feel this silly feeling and I would love to curse him that because of teaching me, I learned how to cry in nights before sleeping, how I learned to act like everything’s okay & normal, though it fucking hurts already with anyone to anybody. I would love to regret it, but this mistake is the happiest, bitter – sweet mistake I’ve ever had. It is like a drug; I would like to continue consuming this, though the consequence could kill or make me worst.

When I was a child, I had vowed to myself to love him forever, til the day that I marry someone. Let’s see where this crazy first love could really bring me.

One thought on “A NEVER ENDING CYCLE.

  1. I dont know what to say. This blog is fantastic. Thats not really a really huge statement, but its all I could come up with after reading this. You know so much about this subject. So much so that you made me want to learn more about it. Your blog is my stepping stone, my friend. Thanks for the heads up on this subject.
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